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My brother died a few weeks ago in a car accident. He was too young with a lot of life yet to live. He had just bought a new deer hunting rifle just two days before, he was looking forward to new changes at his work, and he was planning on buying a house outside of town.

We held the funeral on the Saturday after the accident. There were a lot of people who turned out – we estimate about 350 – and the largest group I have ever seen who followed us to the burial. It was a moving experience, very mournful with so many people, and one of the most difficult experiences of my life.

I offered to give the eulogy for my brother. I felt I should since I wanted a family member to give it and not the clergy. I also consider oratory a skill set, so it was a tribute to my brother as well. In all honesty, I did not offer right away; I mulled over the thought for a couple of days, because it is truly a difficult speech to give.

In oratory, the orator is the center of attention. It takes a great deal of confidence to give a good speech. You could argue that a lot of natural ability steams from a strong ego. With a eulogy, the orator is not the center of attention, but rather a narrator or commentator about the life of someone else. When I spoke at the funeral, I stood off to the side of my brother’s casket for this very reason; I did not want to be in the center of the room – that was my brother’s place – and I certainly did not want to stand overlooking him from the stage behind the casket.

I researched how to give a eulogy as I research almost everything. I compiled some suggestions, because there are no set rules. Here is a short list of tips for giving a eulogy:

1. Keep it short

People are there to mourn the loss of a family member or a friend, not to listen to a long speech. Some suggest 3-5 minutes or 5-7 minutes.

2. Keep it in perspective

When an older person dies who has lived a good long life, a funeral is more of a memorial to that life; the eulogy can be a little lighter. When a young person dies, it is a tragedy; any humor must be restrained. There can be some light laughter, but it must fit the mood of the situation and not cause people to be uncomfortable. FYI, it is encouraged to laugh; laughter is part of the mourning process.

3. Keep it true

Give a eulogy that fits the person. If the person was a joker, share some of the best jokes. If the person was very accomplished, highlight those accomplishments. Don’t try to paint a perfect saint of someone who was well known not to be. It is tempting to put the absolute best image on someone’s life, but make certain that it is still an image about the person.

4. Share personal stories

It is good to give some stories about the person. Funerals are mostly about the memories. The person who gives the eulogy should be someone who knew the deceased, so the eulogy can be a personal tribute.

5. Keep it about the person

Remember that the eulogy is about someone else, not you. Nor is the eulogy a political speech; it is not the platform for a social argument, but if the person held strong, well known political beliefs, you can highlight those beliefs if it is in perspective to the life the person lived – i.e. the eulogy for a President or Senator.

If I ever have to give a eulogy again, I will without hesitation; I believe it is a great honor and a tribute to the person who died. However, I pray that it is a long time before I give another eulogy.

It’s an understatement to say life is not fair. Sometimes life is darn right tough. But to know how to appreciate the joy in life, we have to experience the sorrows. Shakespeare once wrote, “Tears water our growth.” The Psalmist wrote, “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.”

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted a new article. My time has been focused on a couple of business ventures and the unfortunate funeral for my brother who died in a car accident, RIP.

I’ve come across another good quote. This one was passed to me from a longtime friend; the author is unknown.

“Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.”

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I have always enjoyed the lesson from one individual who failed so much in his life, but in the end was and is regarded as one of the greatest leaders that ever lived.

The Personal Side

He was not well educated, nor did he come from a prominent family. Instead his formal education lasted merely 18 months, was self-taught, even passing the bar exam to become a lawyer, and an avid reading.

He lost his mother when he was merely 9 years old and had to overcome the death of his first sweetheart when he was 26.

Career Failures

This person failed in business when he was 21 years old. When he was 23, he was defeated in his first legislative election race. At 24, he again failed in business and suffered through a nervous breakdown by 27.

He lost two Congressional races when he was 34 and 36 and lost a US Senate race when he was 45. He failed in an effort to become the Vice President when he was 47 and lost another Senate bid the same year.

Success and Greatness

In spite of all of his failures, this person remained determined to succeed and never failed as a leader. You know him and every young person in the United States learns about his leadership at a very young age. Even around the entire world, he is known as a great leader and a shining example for national leadership.

I am writing about the sixteenth President of the United States – Abraham Lincoln.

Quote from Abraham Lincoln about failure:
“The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.”

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In Wisconsin

Today is the State of Wisconsin Primary and for the first time in a long while I am at home instead of voting by absentee ballot. There are very few leadership positions as important as the Presidency of the United States, so I have been giving a lot of contemplation as to who I feel is the best leader for the next four-to-eight years.

John McCain

Back in 2000, I was a supporter for John McCain, a highly respectable patriot, knowledgeable and experienced candidate, and someone who is able to make better decisions than most. This year, he is the presumptive nominee with a clear and decisive lead of delegates for the Republican Party nomination.

With the DNC

This year, I am contemplating casting my vote in the Democratic Party. In Wisconsin, voters are allowed to register at the voting booth and select party affiliation at that time. By the way, the open primary registration of Wisconsin works to the advantage of Senators Obama and McCain who both do very well among independent voters.

Hillary Clinton

I honestly do not believe Senator Clinton to be the best choice. She is way too divisive for a leader. I think there would be more problems between the executive and legislative branches of government if she was elected. Do not misunderstand, I think she is very intelligent and capable as a politician, but I do not think she is who this country needs at this time.

Barack Obama

Senator Obama is, in my opinion, a highly influential leader. His oratorical abilities and celebrity status, allow him a great deal latitude from which to lead. I do not agree with every position that he takes, but I don’t 100% agree with every position that any of the candidates take. I do think that America needs an influential leader – someone who can inspire, influence, and provoke positive action.

Party Politics

As you can probably discern from this blog entry, I do not allow myself to be limited by political parties. I think it was George Washington, in his farewell address who warned against political parties and history has proven him to be accurate and wise. Great many problems have risen from party politics. Too many issues become a matter of competition to win than a decision to make for the best interest of the nation. The only good is the default mode of restraint in passing new legislation.

Jeffersonian Principle of Government

The Jeffersonian Principle of Government from our third President, Thomas Jefferson, is that government that governs best is that government that governs least. The division caused by a dual party system does keep the legislature in check, but too often distracts from issues that truly matter. There are thousands of young men and women who are dying in this nation’s wars in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and against terrorism. Too many people are struggling paycheck-to-paycheck in our economy, while fat-cat executives are given huge severance packages when they fail in their jobs. These two issues – war and economy – are the top two issues for me and most significant problems facing our nation at this time.

Casting my Vote to Make a Difference

So, today, I am going to cast my vote to play my role and be responsible for the governing of this nation. Freedom, of course, is not free. It comes with the high cost of responsibility. If we want to maintain a government “of the people, by the people, and for the people,” then we need to be responsible to fulfill our obligations by participating in the political process.

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Conflicts

Conflicts rip through every team and wreak havoc on the unity and focus of team. It is critical to understand what causes conflicts and seek resolution as expeditiously and thoroughly as possible. The main cause of conflicts is personality. Sometimes, the personality conflicts are wrapped around viable issues like differences of opinion on how to best accomplish a task, what rules or regulations govern an operation, or what takes priority among multiple issues; too often conflicts are unresolved because of personalities rather than issues.

Here are 7 steps for resolving personality conflicts in the workplace:

1) Maintain friendliness:

Cordial and courteous actions and words are often all that is required to mitigate personality conflicts. Maintain a friendly environment and you may very well maintain a “personality conflict free” environment.

2) Keep it professional:

Professionalism is a pertinent factor to keep tempers and attitudes from getting out of control. The Type-A personality is a great person to have on the team, but the Type-A personality can cause problems if there isn’t a clear practice of professionalism.

3) Determine the source of problems:

When conflicts arise, do not dismiss them as matters of personality. Seek to resolve any and all underlying problems, differences of opinion, and genuine work issues. Focusing attention on problems that matter will unite the team and draw attention to teamwork.

4) Document conflicts:

When conflicts do arise, it is important to keep track of the problems to determine the depth and breadth of the issues that infect your workplace. Documentation can also be used to determine an underlying source of problems or avoidable trends in conflicts.

5) Keep relevant parties informed:

Conflicts should not be swept under the rug and hidden. Problems will haunt your team and infect your work; conflicts need to be resolved – this is the only way to maintain the unity and effectiveness of a team.

6) Don’t hesitate to take the issue higher:

Sometimes a team member may need to be laterally transferred in order to put personality issues in perspective. If properly managed, a personality conflict should never lead to firing a team member, but under some circumstance a lateral transfer may be the best answer. If you do not have the authority to transfer someone, take the issue to those with the authority. Keep in mind, proper documentation will probably be required in order to make the case, so go back to step number 4.

7) Keep it professional:

All in all, keep things professional. We are all different and this is the value of a team.

Leadership quote from William Wrigley:
“In business, when two people always agree, one of them is irrelevant.”

Conflicts, in and of themselves, are not problems, but rather contribute to the dynamism and viability of a team.

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Formula for Successful Leadership

I want to share an idea that I have been dwelling on. It’s a simple formula or model for effective and successful leadership.

Successful Leadership = (Effective Communication + Articulate Vision + Influence + Action) (Ethics)

Effective Communication

3 Dynamics of Leadership

Articulate Vision

The Leaders Vision

Influence

Dr. Myles Monroe on Leadership and Influence

Action

Leadership and Action
Influence and Action

Ethics

Ethics is the multiplier for a very critical reason – anything multiplied by zero equals zero. Without ethics, nothing else amounts to much of anything.

The Relationship of Ethics and Leadership

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On Monday, I shared a great leadership quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on the day of remembrance of the leader. There is another quote from him that I have always liked. It’s not specifically about leadership, but it could still be applicable to what a leader encounters – it was definitely applicable to what Dr. King encountered.

Great quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.:
“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

This line is from Dr. King’s book published in 1963, Strength to Love in the fourth chapter, Love in action.

Every time I read this quote, I tend to smirk and let out a little chuckle, but if you really think about what Dr. King is speaking about, it’s not funny at all. Take a look at most of the problems in our modern world; take another look at most of the problems throughout history. How many times do you encounter “sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity?” Whether it’s the suicide bomber who kills himself in order to kill people he doesn’t even know with very little discrimination or the KKK member who violently acts out in hatred against a group of people because of the pigment of their skin. Need I continue: the holocaust, nearly every war, slavery…?

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Martin Luther King Jr

Today is Martin Luther King Day. Four days before he was assassinated, Dr King gave a speech at the Episcopal National Cathedral in Washington DC. During his speech, Remaining Awake Through a Great Revolution, he gave us a great quote about leadership.

Great Orator

There is no question that Dr King was great with words. He definitely had tremendous influence and he made a lasting impact on our society. He made this world better. Mostly known as a great orator whose lines “I have a dream,” “This is our hope” and “Let freedom ring” are among the most popular and quoted lines of modern history.

Great Leader

There is also no question that Dr King was a great leader.  His philosophy of leadership is the true culmination of his life.

Quote about leadership from Dr Martin Luther King Jr:
“Ultimately a genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus, but a molder of consensus.”

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Today’s is a quick post, but I’ve found another great quote that nearly sums up everything that I have written about success and failure. You can credit a great man and notable leader with hitting the nail square on the head with a single swing.

Quote about Success and Failure from Sir Winston Churchill:
“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”

Keep failures in perspective: failures happen and then there’s success - fail, persevere, learn, and then succeed.

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Many failures are merely mistakes and everyone makes mistakes. Those who achieve success are those who persevere after mistakes.

A Peter Drucker quote:
“The one person to distrust is the one who never makes a mistake. Either he is a phony, or he stays with the safe, the tried, and the trivial.”

I want to share a paragraph out of John C. Maxwell’s book, Failing Forward:

“Every successful person is someone who failed, yet never regarded himself as a failure. For example, Wolfgang Mozart, one of the geniuses of musical composition, was told by Emperor Ferdinand that his opera The Marriage of Figaro was ‘far too noisy’ and contained ‘far too many notes.’ Artist Vincent van Gogh, whose paintings now set records for the sums they bring at auction, sold only one painting in his lifetime. Thomas Edison, the most prolific inventor in history, was considered unteachable as a youngster. And Albert Einstein, the greatest thinker of our time, was told by a Munich schoolmaster that he would “never amount to much.

“I think it’s safe to say that all great achievers are given multiple reasons to believe they are failures. But in spite of that, they persevere. In the face of adversity, rejection, and failings, they continue believing in themselves and refuse to consider themselves failures.”

Many failures are merely mistakes and everyone makes mistakes. Those who achieve success are those who persevere after mistakes. As a leader, it is particularly important to understand this. You don’t cover up mistakes, you acknowledge, learn from, and move past mistakes.

The same is true for your team. Your team members may make mistakes. Don’t make them an example, but lead them to acknowledge what the mistake was, what can be learned from the mistake, and how to move past it.

As the quote from Peter Drucker reminds us, the person you should be weary of is not the one who makes mistakes, but the person who does not make mistakes. Are they trying their best, are they growing as a professional, are they expanding their knowledge and skills, or are they merely stagnant with the tried and true.

Especially, in our demanding economic times, change is constant. You cannot stop change, but you can get out in front and make the most of it. In the process of working with change, you and your team may make mistakes – that’s an indication that you are trying. Now you merely have to respond positively to mistakes – persevere – and don’t allow failures to consume and paralyze you and your team.

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